NORTH BEND — The Coos County Emergency Response Team held an unscheduled afternoon tea Friday after a dog complaint reportedly blossomed into a full-scale crossbow standoff.
Police showed up. Then more police.
Then the tactical team, drones, distraction devices and less-lethal rounds — basically enough government equipment to invade a reasonably defended Denny's.
Unfortunately, somebody forgot the crumpets.
That's when things apparently went sideways.
After several hours of tactical tea, shouting and airborne refreshments, the suspect finally surrendered.
Police hauled him to the Coos County Jail, where officials performed the traditional local ceremony of booking somebody and letting them back out.
Nothing wraps up an armed standoff quite like a complimentary release.
And this wasn't the county's first social visit with the gentleman. Public records show previous arrests involving alleged hit-and-run, vehicular assault, resisting arrest, burglary, theft, failure-to-appear warrants and another hours-long North Bend standoff.
So after dogs chasing kids, an alleged crossbow on police, drones, less-lethal rounds and hours of negotiations, the system apparently reviewed everything and concluded: "Well, don't let us keep you."
Coos County taxpayers funded the response, manpower, tactical gear and booking for what appears to have been the world's most expensive Uber ride.
Sleep tight, Coos County. Next time, skip the battering ram. Bring cucumber sandwiches.
https://coostucky.com